Much too old to feel this damn young

My daughter turns 18 today. I'm not quite sure how that happened. I mean, I've been witness to her growth and maturity over the years, so I know it's her and she is, indeed, a young woman. But I don't feel like I'm old enough to have an adult daughter. Some days I don't feel like I'm adult yet myself, particularly in my after-work-hours life. At work, I feel mature and in control, but afterwards, not so much.

Oh, sure, I see signs of the middle-aged dude I undoubtedly am when I look in the mirror. The gray hair is not young-guy hair. The wardrobe is no longer a young-guy wardrobe. But inside my head, I still feel as mixed up, confused and insecure as I did on the day she was born. OK, maybe not that confused.

That was a very confusing time. Little did I know that tiny little girl would change my life so such massive ways.

Our story could have been much different. I feel lucky to have her in my life at all. The time around her birthday has always been a special time. Even when I lived far away, I used to time my vacation to spend her spring break with her, which always fell right before her birthday. Now that I've moved back to Oregon, I get to see her much more often, but I miss those intensive week-long visits sometimes, especially near her birthday.

Suzanna is a senior this year and will graduate from high school this summer. Then it will be college and all too soon she will be starting her only life with her own career aspirations and life. There is no guarantees that we will be able to be together for birthdays and holidays and family outings.

I've learned to appreciate every moment, every conversation. Each one is one more than I thought I would have.

Suzanna is very much her mother's daughter. She is beautiful and smart and a loving, giving person. I could not be prouder of her.

Happy Birthday Suzanna. I hope you have a great one and I look forward to celebrating with you this weekend.