"Every last one, route one, rural heart's got a story to tell
Every grandma, in-law, ex-girlfriend
Maybe knows you just a little too well;
Whether you're late for church or you're stuck in jail
Hey words gonna get around;
Everybody dies famous in a small town"
-- "Famous in a Small Town" by Miranda Lambert
One of my favorite sayings since returning to my home state a couple of years ago is that Oregon is a small town. Sometimes it seems everyone knows everyone's business here. Of course it's not quite a intense as living in one of the numerous small towns around the state where the population is measured in the hundreds.
Obviously, in a small town, the mayor is about as public of a public figure as you can get, outside of the high school quarterback and the starting point guard on the basketball team (who are quite likely the same person).
Arlington, Ore., is one of those towns, in as small valley along the Columbia River, between The Dalles and Pendleton. It is perhaps best known, in recent years, as the gateway to Waste Management's Columbia Ridge Landfill.
It's biggest celebrity claim to fame was as the birthplace of "Doc" Severinsen, the former band leader for the NBC Orchestra on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. But judging by the current media coverage in the state today, Arlington's newest celebrity is in fact the mayor, Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, who is achieving her fame in a very 21st century manner -- on the Internet as part of a scandal.
The mayor is the focus of some criticism for some partially-clad photos of her (in bra and panties) on a fire truck that she had posted on her MySpace page, which unfortunately she has now set to private, so you can't see her photos. I think I'm beginning to understand what women find so hot about fire engines.
As near as I can tell, the scandal broke in a story in the East Oregonian, which then got picked up on the Associated Press wire, and by the Portland and wider Northwest and Internet media.
I get the EO's daily newsletter of stories, but frankly I did not pick up on the story because of its dull headline, "Residents question mayor's actions." Yawn.
I don't know how all this will turn out for Mayor Carmen or the city of Arlington, but if all there is to the scandal is an attractive woman and part-time podunk-town politician struts her stuff on a fire engine in attire that covers more than what you see along the Columbia River on a summer day, then I would hate to see her lose her job. I generally like the whole social networking phenomenon. But many people find out that personal material you post (or others post about you) online can come back to haunt you. Maybe she will take the picture down, which she apparently hasn't yet, even though she blocked access to all but her MySpace friends.
I grew up in a town very much like Arlington. The town of Echo, Ore., where high school sporting events, like the eight-man football game, is the social highlight of the week for miles around. In fact Arlington was one of the schools in our league for sports.
Oh, the things that could have been posted online about those bus trips to places like Arlington, Cascade Locks, Fossil, Condon.... It's probably a good thing digital cameras and websites weren't around back then. I didn't care too much for living under the microscope as a resident of a small town. It always felt like everyone knew more about my business than I did.
John Mellencamp paints a romantic notion of life in small communities in his song "Small Town." Kenny Chesney's performance of "In A Small Town," by songwriters Harold Cory Mayo and Jon Lyle Mcelroy concedes some of the bad, along with praising the good of tiny town life:
Sometimes it was heaven, sometimes hell
Kinda like church, kinda like jail
There's a water tower says 'Welcome to nowhere'
As soon as I could I was long gone
My jeans were torn and my hair was long
Now I can't believe
I wanna go back there
To a small town, to a small town
But as Miranda Lambert sings in her song, "Everyone dies famous in a small town," she gets to the heart of the sometimes unwanted notoriety even small-town notables find in places where everyone knows everyone else and spends far too much time talking about who, and what, they know. (Click here for the video)
Sometimes, people in towns large and small town go on to Internet notoriety, because the world wide web has turned the whole wired world into one massive small town. Good luck Mayor. And if you find you need someone with press experience to handle the media onslaught, look me up on MySpace. Maybe we can trade services. I can be media consultant and you look like you could certainly be my personal trainer.
Ouch! Did you see those abs? Is it just me, or is there something even hotter about a woman in a position of authority who could also kick your ass if you aren't careful!
Of course, none of the things I say here apply in any way, shape or form to my daughter and her MySpace page! Should I be concerned that she never accepted my friend request?
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